Being 25 Years Old

I am 25 years old.


I remember being six years old and sitting on my grandmother's rug in her sunny living room, in Michigan, thinking, "I can't wait to be 25. What will I look like? What will I wear? Who will I be? I know I will be grown up and cool and I won't be chubby anymore..."


I had decided that 25 was the magic age in life where I would be fully grown into my best self.


One thing I should point out is that I was not actually chubby. I developed that view from the youngest age simply because my build has never been like the willowy girls. The size of my head, shoulders, and bone structure are much larger than willowy people. But that's not 'chubby'.


 Sadly, I dwelled on this 'chubbiness' for a very, very long time until last year, when I was getting married and therefore in search of a wedding dress to rent in Jerusalem, the world capital of wedding dress rentals. I absolutely could not find a wedding dress that fit my...shoulders. Every dress I tried on would fit my body but simply wouldn't accommodate my shoulders. I ended up wearing the wedding dress of my friend who was also, thankfully, born with broad shoulders.


 It was just as difficult to find a wig (see earlier post about covering my hair, part 3). In fact, my wig had to be made from scratch by an ingenious wig maker, because no existent wig on the market would fit the proportions of my head, according to the industry sizing charts. And to create the template for this custom-made wig, my wig maker had to cover my head in Saran Wrap fastened with tape and write on it in marker, because no regular wig template would fit, either.


These two incidents led me to the realization that 'hey! I couldn't lose or gain weight in my head or shoulders if I tried! I can't even have a head or shoulder reduction! I have about as much control over those features as I do over the size of my spleen! Maybe all those years when I thought I was 'fat', when I compared the size of my face and body to others and despaired that I was bigger, I was completely wasting my energy!'


It's true that I have had times when I was in better shape than other times. Taking care of myself is crucial, regardless of my G-d given shoulder size. But I cannot express to you the depths of relief I have felt upon realizing that I can't have unrealistic expectations of my body, which will never, ever be...willowy. Not even at that magic age, 25!


When I got engaged to my husband at 23, I thought, "well, I guess I was wrong about '25'!"


 When I got married at 24, I thought, "I guess all of those years I longed to be 25, I really meant 24..."


But my 6-year-old self was right. My husband and I got to celebrate our one-year anniversary this week, which I consider one of the greatest feats of my life. I think that to build what we've built this year is such a miracle and such an accomplishment. 


And this is the year when I am becoming a mother. I am so happy to be 25 and so utterly blessed by what I've been given.


p.s. I wonder what my six-year-old self would have thought if she knew that I would also be, not chubby, but GARGANTUAN at 25. I am at that stage where most of my maternity clothes just don't cover my stomach anymore. If anyone is renting out their circus tent for the next three weeks or until my body returns to normal, please contact me!