FYI on the bottom of the 9th

Here's a little FYI about the ninth month of pregnancy:

1) You don't sleep.

Well, not true. I sleep in the day just fine. But attempting to sleep at night is an act of futility. Repeatedly telling my conscious/subconscious/unconscious mind to 'sleep!' while laying down with my eyes shut is about as productive as teaching a deaf dog to roll over on verbal command.

2) You don't concentrate.

I was 10 minutes into a conversation with my music engineer about a particular song on my upcoming album (exciting, huh?) when I actually forgot which song the entire phone meeting was about. This was particularly spacey because this one song is the only one he is familiar with so far on the project. What other song could I possibly have thought we were discussing? There are no answers to these rhetorical what-was-my-pregnancy-logic questions...

I have gotten into the habit of burning things. I served my husband 'chocolate chip cookies' the other day, that had the texture of something out of a quarry. I forgot I was baking them and they stayed in way too long. Note: baking time is 12 minutes. Somehow, over the course of 12 minutes, I completely forgot that I was in the middle of cookies. This and many other incidents are due to the distracting Alien/Predator sensation of having a baby kicking and squirming in my stomach at almost all times. And the sleep deprivation.

3) People are really, really nice to you.

I went to the grocery store today, and it was as if everyone on the bus ride there, and the entire staff of the store, and all customers shopping with me, and the security guard on the way out, and my cab driver home, suddenly understood that when you are at the end of the gestation process, all you want from strangers is that they a) get OUT of your WAY because you need more space than usual just to pass by them without knocking over all the cans or b) assist you in any way possible. I found that everyone I encountered voluntarily chose a or b, either of which worked for me. I am definitely going to miss this preferential treatment when I transition from Very-Pregnant-Lady-You-Want-To-Assist to Lady-With-Screaming-Baby, who is generally not as lovingly received by the public (although, I agree with you, she probably deserves the preferential treatment more).

4) Every passing minute, you think- wait...AM I IN LABOR?!?! 

And the answer, until it's yes, is always 'no.' Maybe that's what I was pondering when I burnt the cookies...

So now you know, whether you are female and not yet there, or male and will never experience such adventures, a little more about the ninth month of pregnancy. And if you've had children, feel free to share with me your own bizarre ninth-month phenomena.