A Beam of Sunshine

It's been hard.

It's really hard. 

I can't quite seem to make the transition. 

There's a transition which, I guess, needs to be made. But it's been two weeks and I can't seem to make it.

It's the transition from thinking, "Lauren is..." to "Lauren was...".

I feel like my heart just can't. 

Lauren WAS? Did I ever think I would be saying Lauren WAS anything? She was (is?) such a constant presence, a constant light, a beam of sunshine. I've known her (I knew her?) for so long that she's part of the scenery of my life- it's like saying orange juice WAS. That's silly. Orange juice IS. 

I guess this is called the 'denial' phase. This phase in which my heart cannot admit that Lauren...'was'.