-always get up on time and before the rest of your household, even when you were kept up at night with one of your children.
-always dress fully before leaving your bedroom in the morning, to start the day off right.
-a woman can successfully raise 12 children in a 2-and-a-half room apartment, and have them be clean and well dressed children, and have the apartment be spotless, and herself be in a constant state of serenity, if she is organized.
-a woman should always look her best, no excuses. It has a big effect on her family.
-a woman should take the time to pamper herself, always applying lotion after a shower, for example.
Okay, I'll stop. You get the picture.
As a former subscriber to the infamous 'Allure' magazine, and 'Cosmogirl', I am no stranger to the mixed message. Your hair should be auburn, but it should be blonde. The Look To Have is 'strong'...but....'feminine'. Spoil yourself! But read all these statistics about how we're more spoiled than ever, plus an interview with the lady who heroically chose to live in a tree for a year!
I am not holding Allure accountable. I didn't read it expecting them to offer me wisdom and guidance. But books like the one I read this weekend this are often penned and recommended by credible people in the religious community. I am very turned off at this author's approach- what if it doesn't work for everyone? What if you fall short of her very-specific picture of what the perfect woman is or should be? Was the mother-of-12 diligently applying lotion after every shower? I somehow doubt it.
There are many blessings to being a woman. And feminine nature possesses some wonderful strengths. But a major weakness that many of us women walk around with is a feeling of being not-good-enough. It's so easy to compare oneself to others. I don't think books like this are part of the solution- I think they are part of the problem.
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3 comments:
Funny you should write this just before giving birth. You will rarely feel so inadequate as when you can't get your baby to stop crying, when he or she doesn't nurse the way all the other babies seem to do with ease, or when, after not having slept more than a couple of hours at a time, for weeks at a time, you just can't bring yourself to sweep the floor, even though there are dust bunnies everywhere.
The self-help books are very good at setting ridiculously high standards, and there are probably a handful of people who can measure up, but more often than not, people fail. After all, they are, well ... people.
It is certainly admirable to strive for perfection, but it is rarely attained. The important thing to do is be honest with yourself and know when you're giving 100%, and admitting when you are capable of more. And every once in a while, you just have to cut yourself some slack! Sometimes, when the baby is awake but not crying, your hair is washed, and your clothes are clean, you come to the realization that putting lotion on your hands and feet will just have to do!
It's like art--you take what you like and make it your own. PS Gav sounds like a pretty cool dude.
-K.Webb
Oh Shosh, I can so relate. I picked up a book on Shalom Bayis a few months ago, 'cause, well, it never hurts to try and be better, right? My feelings as I read the book ranged from detachment at the best to strong distaste at the worst.
I felt like maybe it was written for FFBs from a cloistered community or something, but definitely not for me. I couldn't relate, at all, and even though I could recognize some nuggets of potential good advice, they were packaged in such an unappealing way that I would be very hard-pressed to be mekabel.
I think that with some of these books, maybe if we can take one helpful piece from it, that is all we can ask.
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