The Neverending Story, Part IV

I've been trying to finally complete writing my baby's birth story but it's actually very difficult to recall. I kept a journal in the hospital, and I was waiting to write this until I had unearthed the relevant entries, but alas, they were pretty incoherent- so I could have written this three weeks ago without them. Live and learn. 

Once I arrived in the labor and delivery ward, I was given a robe and a room. I was greeted very warmly by the staff due to to my high level of protexia (the secret to everything in this country). I think they were also happy to deal with a woman who was not in labor (albeit two weeks and two days past my due date already) and therefore could still say please and thank you.


My baby really didn't feel like showing up for her birthday party. I was in that room for 26 hours, and went through two completely unsuccessful inductions before the doctors upped the stakes to a high level of pitocin in an IV overnight (in addition to my regular IV- thank you strep test!). I got to know the staff at Shaarei Tsedek quite well during this odyssey- some of the reception nurses were wearing different outfits when I saw them towards the end of the birth- they had actually gone home, slept, woken up, and returned to work again in the interim. The second method of induction, though ineffective for progressing dilation, had caused me to be in sudden, excruciating pain that I hope to never again experience. I tried to put up with it for one hour before discovering it had caused no progress. I remember thinking that if I were to go through with such a procedure without pain relief, I would never choose have children again. I also remember feeling like G-d was torturing me. Now, these are not thoughts that would ever cross my mind under normal circumstances. But chemically induced, maximum-level contractions with no adrenaline or endorphins to get you through, with no end in sight, can really almost break a person. Before this, I was 'sure' that I would have a natural birth, knowing myself to be a person with a high threshold for pain, and having spent so much time preparing myself. I guess you never know what Hashem has in store, or what you are truly capable or incapable of, until you're there.


So I got the epidural, and the bubble-bath feeling that ensued was really the high point of my delivery-room experience. I started laughing, apologized to my husband for growling at him, wrote in my journal, chatted with my sister-in-law, and actually davened Shacharis when morning came  (okay, I couldn't stand- but there's a hetter to sit in Shemonah Esrai when you have a local anaesthetic in your lower body). It was luxurious- I wondered where that epidural had been for the rest of my pregnancy. I also remember thinking 'so THIS is why people become addicted to drugs!'


As much as I had read and agreed with the books and articles against medical intervention during birth, my birth ended up featuring (as I said before) an IV, propis (an induction drug), some other induction drug, pitocin IV, epidural, a drug to counteract the side-effects of the epidural, pitocin shots, an artificial water-breaking, a whole lot of monitor, and not a whole lot of mobility. This was not due to a lack of conviction on my part, or an over-zealousness on the part of the hospital. This was how G-d wanted my baby to be born and that was clear.

about 4 hours after she was born- don't ask about the hat strings- I didn't style her for this shot. 

She was born the next morning- two weeks and 3 days after she was due. When she was born, we (my sister-in-law and I) heard nothing and saw someone running away with the baby. She wasn't doing so well when she emerged- the labor had been extremely long, and she was much bigger than anyone expected. The umbilical chord had been wrapped around her neck, and she broke her collarbone in the birth canal. There was a nasal obstruction, and once they cleared her nose out, she finally breathed (yes, this was the longest minute or two of my life). Her 1-minute Apgar scores were extremely low, but went up steadily at the 5-minute test. To the hospital's great credit, they gave me no facial or verbal indication that anything was wrong. I only knew because I didn't hear a crying baby and no one placed her on my chest, and I was pretty sure both of those things usually happen. A few minutes later, the nurse presented me with my baby, but did not hand her over. She said 'this is your baby!' and then whisked her off somewhere for further medical attention.
I didn't have much time to reflect on that because I noticed that after I got my two stitches, a nurse walked by me, did a sort of double take, and then removed a shallow bucket full of blood (sorry, this is a little gory). And then another. And then another. And then there was lots of staff around my bed/table pushing my stomach in different places and speaking very rapidly. 

I had experienced a hemorrhage after the birth- they explained that due to the induction, my body didn't 'know' it had given birth and therefore didn't know to close up the open internal wound where the placenta had detached from the uterus wall. All I know is that I felt completely exhausted and disoriented from the blood loss. 


It's funny. My baby's birth was completely rocky, but her babyhood has been quite smooth. She sleeps like an angel, and she has a sweet and friendly temperment. I guess we are all tested in different areas at different times. 


I am sharing all these details to illustrate a few things. 1) I am fortunate to be alive and healthy 2) my baby is fortunate to be alive and healthy 3) sometimes medical intervention is the only way for a baby to come into the world 4) G-d writes the story of our lives, not us, and we don't ever know the outcome of each chapter. I thought about my birth throughout my entire (never-ending) pregnancy. I thought that I had considered every variable. And then I was super-overdue, high risk, induced, had a hemorrhage, and had a 9 lb 6 oz baby with the cord around her neck, respatory blockage, and a broken shoulder. And now we're...fine. As I write this I can barely believe that this all happened, considering how healthy we both are- with G-d's help and infinite kindness. Wonder what G-d has in store for the next time around?