Nothing is like Living It.

This picture is from my engagement party, 19 months ago. 

I remember thinking, when the picture was being snapped, 'I am going to look back on this picture and think-


I knew NOTHING about my husband back then!'

And it's true- I had no idea who he was.  

Wait- that sounds a little reckless. How could I get engaged to someone I didn't know?

You can't know someone until you're married to them, even though this doesn't absolve you of your responsibility to date with your eyes open. I had prepared myself extensively to date, and when my husband came up as a potential match, I had even more preparation to do. 

When this picture was taken, my now-husband and I had just gone through a very comprehensive process to determine whether we were right for each other. This included background checks of three official references plus many unofficial ones (before our first date),  a DNA compatibility test, a complete lack of physical contact (to keep away those rosy lenses), many hours of dates spent discussing our backgrounds, values, and what we envision for our futures, meetings with family members of the other party, constant guidance from mentors, a go-between to listen to our feedback and set up our earlier dates, permission from my father for my husband to propose, and much more. After every date, I would write pages and pages in my journal of exactly what I had asked this potential spouse that I was meeting, what his responses were, anything I noticed, and any questions I had for the next date (assuming there would be one- both parties had to agree to each subsequent date). I was in touch with my Rebbetzin, my Rabbi, and the matchmaker in between dates, so that they were all aware of what was happening and how I felt about it. My husband, on his side, did the same. 

So why did I think I knew NOTHING about my husband when this picture was taken? After all, I'd just gone through a very exhaustive process to determine that my husband was the right one!

Because preparation only goes so far. As much as I read about marriage, spoke to people about marriage, and imagined my then- fiance in that context, we had to forge our own way in order to know anything about each other. There are no generalizations in our life- it's completely unique. My husband and I are two soul-halves of one whole that has never come into this world before, and never will again*. Our marriage is taking place in a time that will never repeat itself. So as necessary as all my preparation was, it was not like living it.

Nothing is like living it.

*reincarnation is a Jewish belief, however, if our souls are to return, they will do so in different physical bodies than our current ones.